@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
