The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize