Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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