Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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