Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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