Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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