i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way