Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Got a toothbrush?

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  (734): Got a toothbrush? http://tfl.nu/c7ae
  Replies (7) Good night (2164) Bad night (1085)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing

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  (440): Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing http://tfl.nu/ipht
  Replies (8) Good night (572) Bad night (3203)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

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  (316): i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes http://tfl.nu/q5w9
  Replies (25) Good night (5555) Bad night (1689)
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  (845): View more from New York

  im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina

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  (845): im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina http://tfl.nu/gfgs
  Replies (12) Good night (1276) Bad night (2866)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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  (267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x
  Replies (4) Good night (2682) Bad night (1057)
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  (530): View more from California

  and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.

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  (530): and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters. http://tfl.nu/hxhg
  Replies (5) Good night (3022) Bad night (915)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"

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  (606): It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?" http://tfl.nu/9bht
  Replies (7) Good night (2583) Bad night (1063)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Stop drinking before 5

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Easier said than done

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  (651): Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies (612): Stop drinking before 5 (651): Easier said than done http://tfl.nu/j7cm
  Replies (3) Good night (1495) Bad night (780)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.

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  (260): One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not. http://tfl.nu/b9k9
  Replies (6) Good night (722) Bad night (918)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.

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  (512): I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air. http://tfl.nu/cigy
  Replies (8) Good night (1984) Bad night (556)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.

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  (406): Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip. http://tfl.nu/5qjy
  Replies (6) Good night (968) Bad night (474)
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  (310): View more from California

  yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies

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  (310): yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies http://tfl.nu/gofo
  Replies (3) Good night (1035) Bad night (444)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town

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  (905): To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town http://tfl.nu/jicp
  Replies (3) Good night (599) Bad night (440)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk

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  (630): Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk http://tfl.nu/5as6
  Replies (1) Good night (1158) Bad night (431)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.

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  (970): He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER. http://tfl.nu/32pn
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (660)

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