i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy