I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
