Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
