let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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