Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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