I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
