For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
