i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
