i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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