Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
