just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
