She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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