I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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