oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
