My girlfriend figured out who you are.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
