The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
