Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
