Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
