I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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