matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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