Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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