You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
