I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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