This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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