It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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