im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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