the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
