Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
