Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
