I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
