whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
