so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
