it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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