she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The power of my boobs compel you
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
