she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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