I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
