My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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