allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
