Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
