I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
