you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Randomize
