Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
