Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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