I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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