Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
