i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
