Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
