Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.