oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.