Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.