everyone is single if you try hard enough
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.