Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.