Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.