I wish my penis had an off switch
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
