I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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