Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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