I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
