i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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