So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
