i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
