Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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