I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
