I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
