I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
