I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
