Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
