Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
